Defying Death
by LaraWinner
Summary: Duo&Hilde fic, contains a bit of language, adult themes, violence


DISCLAIMER: I don't own gundam wing or any of it's characters. I don't even own my car so don't sue me*_*

Defying Death

****

BY: Lara_Winner

Duo Maxwell stood gazing out the window of the small hospital room. His eyes were focused on the sky, he could see the sun just about to set below the horizon and he noted the way the clouds reflected the pale pink and purple and orange hues given off by the sun. But his mind was not in the present. His mind was focused on the events of the night before. 

Hilde had gone shopping and he had stayed home. She had left in the early afternoon and said she'd only be an hour. When she wasn't home by 9:00 that night he was beyond worried and he was getting a bad feeling. Then the call came. Hilde was at the hospital because she'd been in a bad car accident. He'd rushed out the house and made it to the hospital in record time. The doctors had already had her stabilized and she was in the ICU unit. They said only time would tell if she would recover. He had to believe she would for his own sanity.

Duo turned from the window and focused his gaze on the still figure in the bed. She looked like she'd been through hell. There were two dark purple bruises on her face and ugly lump near her temple. He'd made the mistake of pulling down the covers earlier that day. Her arms looked like a road map of cuts and there were more bruises all over her chest and stomach. She really didn't look as bad as he'd expected but that didn't matter. She'd been bleeding internally when they brought her in. The Doctors had said ten more minutes and there would have been nothing they could have done and as it was they weren't making any promises. 

Thinking of promises, as if on cue, the air suddenly became freezing cold and he could feel the eerie presence that invaded the room. Closing his eyes he fought the mixture of fear and rage that surged through him. He knew what was there even as he turned to face it. 

Sitting in the chair beside Hilde's bed was Death. As he watched the opaque shadow slowly solidified into human form. It was a young woman no older than Duo. She lounged back in the chair appearing quite comfortable crossing her legs as she drummed her fingers on the chair's armrests. Her long black hair swirled bewitchingly around her as if every strand were alive. Her face held an unearthly beauty that any woman would long for and her chalk white skin appeared as smooth as silk. His eyes narrowed as the girl sent him her most charming smile.

Duo remained unaffected by her charms for he knew all to well what was underneath all the artificial beauty. Death was nothing, just a soulless being sent to bring destruction to the living. Unfortunately Death had learned a few things over the ages and slowly it had taken on human traits, one of the traits being possessive jealousy. As a result death felt it owned him but he didn't owe death a damn thing. And there was only one reason why she was here. Hilde!

"Well, well, well, what a surprise!" Duo hissed. 

"Hello precious." The girl replied sarcastically, "Sorry this isn't a social call, I'm here on business." 

Chills went up Duo's spine and his gut clenched in a knot as he heard the one voice he never could forget. Not many people heard the voice of death and it wasn't anything he could describe. The only thing he did know was that it was a sound he dreaded.

"Then you wasted your time cuz your not taking her." he snapped. He ignored the glowing red flare of light that reflected in the girl's solid black eyes. He had to calm down; it wouldn't do him any good to piss her off. He'd done that once and paid the price. 

"You do not dictate to me who is going to live and who is going to die. You may be my chosen one but don't forget you're only human." Said Death. 

"Hilde's beaten the odds before and she'll do it again. She's stronger than most people, you and I both know that, so why don't you just cut the crap and tell me why you're really here!" he demanded. He fought to remain expressionless as her skin crawling laughter filled the room. 

"You never disappoint me Duo. That's why I chose you." She sighed.

"Just answer the fucking question!" he snarled.

"You lied. You're in love with her and I can not allow that. You are mine Duo, body and soul. She's just a minor problem I'm about to take care of." She said, her voice daring him to object. As she spoke she rose from her seat and slowly walked toward him. He could see the triumph glittering in her eyes that were now glowing green. He'd never realized before just now much Deathscythe's eyes matched hers.

"Fine, I'm yours, now leave Hilde alone." He said resisting the urge to flinch when her cold, clammy fingers brushed along his cheek. 

"No good enough. If you want her to live you have to prove yourself to me," she whispered seductively as she gently picked up the end of his braid and began twirling it around between her slim fingers, she continued, "Walk away Duo. If you love her as much as you say you do then let her go or else I will take her with me right now."

"I can't leave her!" he whispered softly.

"Too bad. I did give you a choice." She said. As the girl started to turn toward the bed he reached out and grabbed her arm cringing inwardly. He hated touching her, he hated talking to her, and more than anything he hated the hold she had over him. But panic drove him at the moment. If she got to Hilde then it would all be over. He had promised himself he wouldn't let this bitch near her so now he had no choice but to give in. He'd lost everyone he ever loved to Death's little game and Hilde wasn't going to be next.

"I'll walk away I promise, but I can't leave till I know she's home safe." He said hoping she didn't hear the way his voice cracked. 

"Duo, don't test my patien…" she began.

"You have no idea what you're asking of me so at least let me say goodbye. After everything I've done for you can't you just give me a little time." He choked as he glared his frustration at her, He cursed silently as his vision was blurred slightly by unshed tears. He would do anything to keep Hilde safe, even destroy his own heart. 

"You've got three weeks. Say your good-byes because when you leave I'll expect your utmost obedience. I'm not going to be lenient with you anymore. I thought you would have learned your lesson by now. How many people must die before you to understand that you belong to me?" she sighed. He bristled at her condescending tone but he was in no position to show his anger. 

"Three weeks, I promise." He said, his heart twisting at the promise he couldn't break.

"I'll be waiting for you Duo." She whispered, her voice echoing through the small room even after she vanished from sight. 

His hands balled into fists at his sides and squeezed his eyes shut tight. He should have expected this and should have prevented it. How could he be stupid enough to think that Death would just forget about him and let him go? Everyone he loved stood in deaths way and she had effectively eliminated all obstacles time and time again. 

As the thought crossed his mind, unwanted memories he'd long since buried suddenly started reliving themselves in vivid detail.

He was four years old when the orphanage he lived in had caught fire in a military attack. It looked like the three of them were the only ones who made it out of the building. He looked at the two children standing beside him and began to cry silently. He was scared and cold and he knew they would get in trouble for not having an adult with them. Then he saw Death for the first time.

As they stood watching the fire he noticed the pretty lady standing off to the left. Knowing only that she was an adult and they shouldn't be alone, he ran to her for help. When she turned her gaze on him, he froze in fear. Her eyes were solid black, no white, no iris, just solid black. 

Being startled and scared he had turned to run only to find himself face to face with the weird girl. She moved faster than anything he'd ever seen and he was terrified. Her eyes then changed to neon green and she smiled. Reaching out she placed a hand on his shoulder and that moment was the first time he'd heard her voice.

"You can see me and your not dead. You have the gift." She said appreciatively. 

"Who awe you?" he asked as he slowly began to take steps backward.

"The keeper of nightmares." She laughed, the eerie sound giving him chill-bumps. 

"I don't wike nitemawes." He said, his voice unsteady with fear. He couldn't stop his tears; he was just too scared. 

"And I don't like little kids but we can't have everything we want," She said sternly as she stepped back and folding her arms she continued, "You'll be seeing me, kid." Then right before his eyes she disappeared. 

He didn't speak to her again till the night Solo died. She was still the same beautiful young woman but this time he knew what he was seeing even though most nine year olds never see the embodiment of death. Living on the streets he'd seen a lot of murders, disease, and suicides. And she was always present so he had quickly understood what she was when he realized that her presence was like a curse on people. And tonight was no different.

Standing silently against the far wall in the small alley, she had emotionlessly observed the way he cried and begged Solo not to leave him. But his friend had still died in his arms as she calmly watched. 

Finaly she approached him and again she smiled that unnerving smile. He tried to ignore her but he couldn't. He could feel her very essence surround him, cold and suffocating. 

"Your soul calls out to me but you're not marked for death." She replied icily.

"Leave me alone!" he yelled.

"No." she said. 

"Get away from me, you freak!" he had screamed and turned and ran as fast as he could.

He hadn't gotten five steps when he was jerked off the ground by the back of his collar. He kicked his feet and tried to struggle out of her grip but it was useless. Then unwisely he started calling her every bad word he knew and only succeeded in making her angry. He hadn't even realized she'd thrown him till he hit the alley wall. He looked up through the haze of pain and tried to focus on her blurry figure.

"You're a foolish boy but I must admit you have courage. You'll live up to your destiny perfectly." She said.

"What destiny?" he'd asked half out of it.

"The fates have great plans for you but if you wish to succeeded you could use my help." She replied. 

"Leave me alone!" he whined. This woman scared him and he didn't understand half the things she was talking about.

"You don't understand yet but the next time we meet you'll see the wisdom in being my chosen one." She said and before he could even move she was gone again. 

As the years passed he never forgot the words she had spoken the day he lost his friend. He prepared himself to see her again and he wasn't disappointed. He was now living at Maxwell church and was content with the life he now lived. It was a comparatively normal existence but he had seen and done too much to ever be normal. But when Death is your shadow how can you be normal?

Part of him hoped his obsession with Death was just insanity but in his heart he knew she was real. There was just no one he could talk to about it. Father Maxwell didn't believe in that kind of stuff and Sister Helen would just try and convert him even more. He had managed to put it in the back of his mind but one day his past met his future and all hell broke loose.

He was walking in the cemetery beside the church because it was so peaceful and oddly enough he felt more comfortable there than in the church. That was when he felt the atmosphere change and instantly he was alert for danger. The sun was setting and he spun around trying to find what had brought on the feeling in the semi-darkness. Vaguely he could make out the opaque shadow moving slowly toward him. All at once he knew what it was and he sure as hell wasn't going to show his fear.

"So you keep promises too, huh?" he said trying to sound as cocky as possible.

As he watched the shadow transformed into the girl he remembered. Even at thirteen his stomach still dropped to his feet in fear.

"I'm glad you remember me Duo, it's been a while." She whispered.

"Um….I…. How do you know my name?" he asked his voice wavering slightly.

"I've kept watch over you. I know everything about you, I even know how terrified you are right now. I'm not something you can escape, or forget." She said smugly. 

"So, why ya here? I mean I thought you only came when people died." He questioned nervously.

"Who's to say someone isn't going to die." she replied.

"You're not killing anybody!" he'd almost shouted.

"I just guide the souls, you humans seem to like to do the killing for me." She laughed.

"Nobody's going to die, right?" he asked totally forgetting to hide the panic in his voice. 

When she didn't answer he carefully kept his voice calm as he asked, "Who?".

Before she could reply he felt the ground start to tremble and his heart sank. He knew that feeling all to well, Mobile suits where coming. His mind had barely registered the sound of gunfire when he broke into a dead run for the church. He had to get Father Maxwell and Sister Helen out of there even thought he knew they wouldn't want to leave. They expected an attack one-day and Father swore he would stand his ground. When he finally found them in the commotion of people,

Father Maxwell grabbed him by the shirt and looked him directly in the eye and Duo swore it was the first time he'd ever feared the kind old priest. 

"I need you to get out of here Duo." Said Father.

"If your not coming I'm staying." He said stubbornly.

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. If you have faith all will be well. Please Duo, hurry before they close in on the church." He said. Duo couldn't disobey. This was the first outright order Father Maxwell had ever given him and he had to do as told. He ran back the way he came and taking a short cut through the cemetery he entered the wooded area that lay behind the church. He didn't stop till he couldn't run anymore. He wasn't afraid; he knew these woods like the back of his hand. Finaly he started moving again and finaly came across the cave that was a favorite hiding place of his. He knew they would never find him there. He then lost track of time as he listened to the gunfire and explosions and screams that rang in the distance. Trying to block it out he hummed himself to sleep. 

When he awoke all was silent and it was definitely daylight. Creeping from the cave he carefully made his way back to the church. The scene that greeted him broke his heart. Where the church had once stood proud and tall there was now nothing but burning ruins. He didn't even attempt to cross the field to the church. Amidst the debris that covered the ground he could occasionally see the remains of people, some intact and others in pieces. It seemed like there was blood everywhere. 

Suddenly his vision began to spin and he was assailed by a wave of nausea. Turning away he forced himself to breathe only to look up and find himself face to face with HER! 

"You killed them you bitch!" he screamed.

" There is a war about to start and this is only the beginning." She said her voice giving away her impatience.

" Why? Why'd ya hafta kill 'em?" he whispered brokenly.

"I didn't kill them, the army did. But I must be present for fate to carry out its plans."

"Screw fate and screw you!" he snarled. He started to push past her but she caught his chin in a firm grip and forced him to face her.

"Listen to me and listen carefully. I choose you to represent death in this upcoming war. You have it in you, Duo. You have the anger and the hate in your heart and you are more than capable of destroying anything in your way. I'm calling upon you to be my link to humanity, to be my messenger. But understand that if you agree you can avenge the deaths of those that died here last night. The choice is yours." She said. 

When he heard the word avenge his mind settled solely on that thought. This would be his chance to hurt those who had hurt him over and over. The orphanage being attacked, Solo dying because he was denied medicine by military order and now losing Father Maxwell and Sister Helen last night, he wanted revenge more than anything. 

"What if I say no?" he asked.

"Then when you fight in the war I won't be on your side." She replied.

"How do you know I'm gonna fight, and what exactly do you mean by on my side?" he questioned wearily.

"It's your destiny to fight in this war, I'm tired of telling you that. If you fight for me you're as good as immortal. You won't die with me on your side. But if you don't accept my offer then you're fair game just like everyone else." She said. He contemplated what she said and the more he thought about it the more he liked the idea. To be the cause of pain instead of the recipient would be a sweet change. Right then he made his choice.

"I'll fight in your war and I'll kill anyone who gets in my way, now leave me alone!" he snapped.

"Good choice Duo." She whispered and then without a sound she was gone.

After that encounter he was a changed person. He feared nothing and he developed this insanely humorous outlook on death. Like she promised everything fell into place without him even trying. Doctor G found him and he had agreed to pilot the gundam. He got to choose the name and since he was Death's messenger he decided to make a point of it and he named his gundam Deathscythe. Then he decided to go all the way and he named himself the God of Death and in a way he was. 

In the year that followed, Death was his constant companion in every battle. But with every battle he lost a little more of himself to the inner guilt he now carried with him. She had been right, she was the keeper of nightmares and the nightmares he had now were slowly driving him insane. At some point he stopped directing his anger at himself and he started to hate her. It didn't help matters any when he realized just how possessive Death could be. 

The last time he'd seen her was when he'd saved Hilde and was aboard the Peacemillon with her. He had expected Death to show up and she did. He was standing beside Hilde's bed thankful he'd made it in time and he as always, felt Death's presence before he actually saw her. 

"That was a waste of your talent, Duo." She replied. 

He knew when he saved Hilde she would get angry but he didn't give a shit. The last year was the worst of his life because no matter how hard he tried he wasn't death and he felt a deep regret for every life he took. He could honestly say he hated death now more than ever.

"You stick with the dead and I'll stick with the living, okay." he replied.

"Saving people was not part of the deal. You are my soldier, my weapon and I forbid you to loose your edge." She said, her eyes becoming twin glowing red holes in her translucent white face.

"Reality check, the war is almost over lady. Why don't you go choose someone else." He said in irritation. 

"Maybe you didn't understand Duo, well let me clarify things for you. You gave yourself to me and now your mine." She said tauntingly.

"Bullshit!" He snapped.

"Don't forget, you owe me Duo, and I always collect my debts." She threatened.

"What do I owe you for? For keeping me alive when I never cared if I died in the first place. Or do I owe you for killing everything in my life. You owe me, cuz I'm the one who has to live with the guilt of doing your dirty work. Wait! Better yet, leave me the hell alone cuz I quit." He declared heatedly. 

He was in a no win situation and he knew it. He couldn't fight her because he had too much to loose, like his friends. Like Hilde. No, Hilde didn't deserve this from him. If he'd learned one thing in the last year it was that Death considered this a game and she liked to play dirty. Well he could play dirty too. Shrugging nonchalantly he faced her as he spoke.

"I saved her because I have no place to go if she dies. If you have a problem with that then kiss my ass!" he said. He tried to reason that he hadn't outright lied because if Hilde did die then he really didn't have a place to go. Even though it didn't come close to the main reason, it was the only safe reason he could say out loud.

"Don't make her my enemy." She threatened. 

"Sorry you wasted your time with this little visit but I'm not crossing you so if you'll excuse me I have things to do." He stated as he turned toward the door to leave. 

It was getting harder to hide his animosity but for some strange reason he swore she wanted him to hate her. He still, after all this time, didn't fully understand what he'd gotten himself into or what he was dealing with. If the guys only knew he wasn't crazy and death was real, they'd trip.

"Don't disappoint me Duo, I'm warning you." She said as she faded from sight. 

He waited a moment and then sure she wouldn't return he resumed his seat beside Hilde's bed and tried to put the visit out of his mind but he couldn't shake the feeling that there was more sorrow waiting for him before this was all over. 

"I'm so glad to be home." Hilde said, she sighed as Duo pulled the truck into the driveway. Opening the door she went to jump down only to be stopped by Duo blocking her way.

"Just what the hell are you doing?" he asked.

"Going inside if you'd move." She replied.

"Not by yourself." He muttered. 

"I can walk just fine Duo, put me down!" Hilde demanded as Duo scooped her up intending to carry her from the truck to the house. She squealed as his arms dipped and he gave the impression of dropping her. She tried her best to glare at him but his boyish grin melted her heart as always and she couldn't help but feel pride in how handsome he was. 

"Look babe, if I put you down now you'll only make it to the couch but I figure if I carry you we can make it all the way to the bed and then……" he let the sentence trail off but the message in his seductive tone was unmistakable. She felt the blood rush to her cheeks but she didn't look away. 

"Well I am tired so I guess sleep would be a good idea." She replied purposely mistaking his offer.

"Like hell, if we make it to that bed you ain't gonna be sleeping." He said indignantly as he slammed the front door shut with his heel. 

"The Doctor did say I should exercise a little and believe me Duo, after three weeks of being stuck in that damn hospital the last thing I want to do is sleep." She whispered in his ear huskily as she trailed tiny kisses along his cheek. 

She continued to hold onto him tightly as he made his way down the hall and finaly reached the bedroom. Gently laying her on the bed he turned her head and caught her lips in a soft kiss. 

"Do you feel up to this?" he asked, his lips brushing hers as he spoke.

"Oh yeah!" she giggled. 

Instantly his mouth claimed hers in a passionate kiss. She closed her eyes and surrendered herself to the feelings he was arousing within her. 

Duo looked at the clock on the side of the bed. 5:15 am. Through the window he could see the faint gray of the dawn sky creeping up the horizon. His gaze fell back to sleeping girl in his arms. It was time for him to go. His three weeks were now up and he couldn't wait around biding time anymore. He knew it was now or never. If he didn't leave she'd have hell to pay. 

Why did he have to fall in love with her? He knew this would happen, that they would both end up getting hurt. It would have been so simple if he had walked away in the beginning. But now this was going to kill him. His only consolation was that she was still alive. Better for him to live with a broken heart than to have her die for his selfishness. God, how he wished he could stay.

Slowly he untangled his body from hers and slipped out the bed silently. Why did she love him? What did he ever do to deserve her love and trust? Nothing, and now it was really irrelevant as to why she cared because when she awoke and found him gone she would hate him. She would get over it because she was a survivor. She would find someone new one-day and move on forgetting all about him. But he would never forget her, not as long as he lived because nothing could take away his memories. 

Quickly he dressed and grabbing his pack he began silently shoving the few things he had into the bag. He had to make a clean break. He could never see her again, ever. He didn't know where he was going when he left but that didn't matter. Whatever destiny had planned would happen and Death would fuck him over again. There might even be another war soon, but that didn't matter either. His life was as good as over the minute he walked out that door. Everything in his life now revolved around her. In the two years since the war ended he had found peace in her acceptance and love. He had made her the center of his world and now it was all crashing down around him. But It was his own damn fault for letting her too close.

He walked over to Hilde's desk in the corner of the room and picking up a piece of paper he scribbled the note, the only thing she would have to know why he left. Even in the note he still couldn't truly tell her what he felt. But it would have to do. He wasn't good at writing letters and the more he left unsaid the better off she'd be in the long run. 

He returned to the bed and sat down carefully on the edge. Unconsciously she turned toward him and a slight smile touched his lips. She was so beautiful it took his breath away. His heart felt like it was being ripped in two knowing this would be the last time he be able to look at her, be this close to her, to touch her, and to kiss her. Gently he trailed his fingers over the smooth skin of her cheek. He let his touch wander down her neck and over her shoulder. His eyes roamed over her memorizing every detail of her. This moment would be etched in his memory, the feel of her skin and the taste of her lips.

He leaned forward and very gently pressed his lips to hers. It was the barest touch but he felt it through his whole being. It was good she wasn't awake because then he'd never be able to leave. Placing one last kiss on her lips he pulled back and brushed the tear that had spilled from his eye. Reaching up he unclasped the gold chain he wore around his neck. The gold cross at the end of the chain glinted in the pale morning light. He placed the chain on his pillow and looked at her once more.

It was time. Placing the note beside the chain he picked up his pack and turned away. He walked out of the house and didn't look back. It was all over, he hoped Death was happy because his hell had just begun.

Hilde opened her eyes and blinked at the harsh sunlight filtering through he window. She turned over and paused when she found Duo's side of the bed empty. Closing her eyes she tried to force her mind into wakefulness when she realized that everything was quiet. She sat up in the bed and strained her ears listening. She still didn't hear anything. Duo must have gone somewhere. When he was home he was never this quiet. 

The white piece of paper on his pillow caught her attention. She grabbed the paper and saw his chain lying beside it. Unfolding the note her eyes widened as she began to read: 

Hey,

There is no easy way for me to say this so I'll just say it. 

I'm leaving. I know your wondering what's going on but just let

It be, please. I guess I don't have to say I'm not coming back. 

Thanks for being there when I needed you and don't take this 

Personally. I told you form the beginning that I wasn't the most 

Dependable person. Thanks for everything and take care of yourself. 

Good- bye.

Duo

Hilde stared at the note in disbelief. She reread it in hopes that she missed something but there was nothing but a very casual good-bye. She shut her eyes tight and tried to stop the tears that overflowed. She had never expected this. She had thought they were happy. But the gold cross lying on his pillow told her that he wasn't coming back. She paled as she realized why he left. He was moving on because she had gotten too attached to him. She should have known he didn't want anything serious. Now it all made sense. He'd left her the cross as payment for services rendered. He probably thought she was no better than a slut, after all, what kind of girl sleeps with a guy who's never once told her he loves her.

She began sobbing uncontrollably. She asked for this. She wanted to believe he'd cared but deep down she knew the truth all along. She was his free ride, his meal ticket, his maid, and his whore. Well at least she knew where they stood now. But it didn't hurt any less. She'd loved him with all her heart. Even now knowing he never gave a shit, she still did. 

Why did he bother waiting? He could have left while she was in the hospital and spared himself the trouble. But no, not Duo, he wanted what he wanted and three weeks without her meant he was horny. She didn't know if he was trying to rub it in or what, but she certainly felt cheap. He obviously didn't care at all because if he did he could have had the guts to tell her to her face. How cliché of him. What was it he always said, 'I may run and I may hide but I never tell a lie.' Well ain't that the truth, he ran at the first chance he got and he never lied because he never said he wouldn't leave. 

Pulling her knees up to her chest wrapped her arms around her legs. She couldn't blame him, he had told her form the beginning that he was rarely ever serious about anything. She was the one who placed expectations on him. She was sorry for whatever drove him away. It wasn't like he had a real reason to stay, she thought. It's not like I'm rich and I'm certainly not good looking, I don't know what he ever saw in me to begin with, she thought. 

Well she wouldn't get an answer because he was gone for good. The only person she ever shared her soul with was gone. She wasn't surprised to be alone again. Everyone she ever loved betrayed her in some way. But she knew from experience that things could always be worse. She couldn't think how right now but she knew it could be worse. Still not comforted she cried herself into a dreamless sleep.

Five weeks later Hilde found out just how worse it could get. Sitting on the side of the tub, she stared at the pink plus sign on the plastic tester. This couldn't be happening, it just couldn't. Standing up she walked to the full-length mirror on the back of the bathroom door. Turning sideways she raised her shirt and stared at her painfully thin frame. She had thought the nausea was from lack of appetite but when she was late she knew something was wrong. Oh God, this was the last thing she needed. She was already going through hell and she couldn't take much more. 

Looking over her reflection she grimaced. Her face was deathly pale and she had dark black circles under her eyes from lack of sleep. She hadn't eaten a real meal in weeks and probably lost twenty pounds. If she lifted her shirt she could see her ribs through her skin. Even her cheeks were sunken in. She had to admit she looked like hell. Now there was another thing to worry about. She was pregnant with Duo's child. 

How could they have forgotten to use protection that last time? They had always been careful before and now she was screwed. How could he do that to her if he knew he was leaving? How could she be happy and sad about this at the same time? How could she still love him after all this? What was she going to do? Too many questions that just didn't have answers. 

There was no way she could care for a childnow. She barely had enough money for herself and she was on the verge of a nervous break down anyway. She couldn't have an abortion. She had seen too many girls during the war die from the use of unclean instruments. Plus she didn't have the money for one. And if she gave it up for adoption she would have to give birth and she knew once she saw her child she would never be able give it away. Maybe she should just stick to the original plan. The plan that had been in the back of her mind for days, ever since she thought she might be pregnant.

It would definitely be the easiest way to handle the situation and it would solve all her other problems too. She would be free of everything, the pain, the past, the future, and especially him. She really didn't have a choice now, did she? Seventeen and pregnant is hard but when you have no one and your all alone its even harder. 

She was startled when the phone in the bedroom rang. Rushing into the room she flipped the button and id-screen popped up. She found herself staring face to face with Quatre Winner. She tried to smile but she knew it came out as a pathetic excuse of one. Instantly as he took in her appearance his expression showed concern.

"Hilde are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

"I'm fine Quatre. Its just been a bad week." She laughed her voice sounding hollow even to her own ears. 

"Maybe you should rest, I mean wearing yourself out won't do you any good. Believe me I know." He replied.

"It's okay I can handle it." She said hoping Quatre didn't notice the way her voice cracked or how hard it was for her not to cry.

"Well, I'll let you go I just need to talk to Duo for a minute." He said.

"He doesn't live here anymore, Quatre." She whispered softly failing to stop the tear the rolled down her cheek.

"What? Oh Hilde I'm so sorry If I'd known I wouldn't have called…I mean I would call but…… …I…….I mean…...I'm sorry I brought it up." He stammered.

"Its okay, you didn't know and I'm glad to hear from you." She smiled at his flustered and embarrassed face. 

" Hey if you need anything you let me know okay. " he demanded.

"Okay, I'll be fine though." She said.

"You sure, I'm here if you need me." He said with a warm smile.

"Thank you Quatre." She said.

After ending the connection she returned to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. She appreciated Quatre's concern but her mind was made up. Now she just had two choices left. The razor or the bottle of sleeping pills. The razor would lave a bloody mess, literally. The pills however would have no guarantee of working and she had no intention if doing this half ass. So the razor it is, she thought.

She reached out and picked up the razor with trembling fingers. This had been his razor and it was only fitting that she used it to end the life that he fucked up so bad. But could she really do this? It wasn't like she was giving her life to a cause. This was pure pathetic weakness. In the end it wouldn't matter how just as long as the end result was death. This was the only option that she had left. 

With out hesitation she swiped the razor over the white flesh of her wrist. Ignoring the pain she watched in a combination of horrified amusement as the blood pooled over the deep cut and began dripping to the floor steadily. Then fear flooded through her. Was she ready to die? No, she really didn't want to but what did she have to live for, nothing. Her child would be better off this way and so would she. Forcing herself to take a calming breath she then brought the razor quickly across her other wrist. 

She never imagined there would be so much blood. It was everywhere, splattered across the floor and all over her clothes. Her vision blurred and she swayed dangerously as the blood loss was starting to affect her. Suddenly her legs gave out and she slumped against the wall and slid to the floor. She watched as the blood pooled around her arms on the floor. She was starting to go numb. Her fingers no longer had any feeling and neither did her feet. 

Closing her eyes she let herself fall on the floor completely. It was getting harder and harder to draw a breath and she struggled to open her eyes once more. She hoped he would forgive her for this. Knowing Duo, when he found out he would be pissed. Well this had been her choice and it was too late to turn back now. It was all her fault. She had never meant for things to end this way. Forgive me Duo, she thought as she lost the struggle to stay conscience by giving up the fight.

"Maxwell telephone!" someone shouted.

Duo looked up from the paper he'd been reading and walked over to the pay phone on the far wall. He'd had no place to go so he asked his boss, Mick, if he could stay at the sweepers training base for as long as he needed and the guy had agreed. It wasn't a bad place to stay but it wasn't home. He forced thoughts of her out of his mind. If he let himself think about her then it was only ten times worse trying to get through a day at a time. 

"Hello." He said as cheerfully as possible.

"I've been looking all over the place for you." Said Quatre in his worried voice.

"Hey man, this is my new residence now. You know the cooking is not as good but I can live with it. So to what do I owe the pleasure of this phone call?" He said with his usual cockiness. 

"Well, I just wanted to inform you to be prepared. Things may start heating up soon and we may be called back into action. I don't know for sure so this all may be for nothing but better to be prepared. How's your gundam?" Quatre asked.

"The old boy's ready and waiting, you say when and where and I'm there." Duo said.

"Okay, now if I could just find Heero, do you know where he is?" Quatre asked.

"Nope, your guess is as good as mine. He's probably tagging behind Relena as usual." Duo laughed.

"Yeah that's what I thought. Hey, I called the house a little while ago looking for you. I didn't know you left." Quatre said.

"You talked to Hilde?" duo asked, his heart pounding.

"Yea, look Duo, you're not fooling me. You sound like hell and I'm sure if we were on a vid-phone you'd look like it too. What happened between you two? I thought you guys were settled already?" Quatre asked the confusion in his voice evident.

"This is something I had to do. She's better off without me. When you talked to her was she okay?" he had to ask.

"She looked beat, but she actually handled it all well." Quatre said.

"Good, look man I gotta go. I call ya." Duo said.

"Okay, bye Duo."

"Bye."

He walked back to his bunk and flopped down. He wished there was something to do to keep his mind occupied. His thoughts were tormenting him. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her face and he swore he had heard her voice several times over the past weeks. It was getting him nowhere. 

Rising from the bunk he decided to take a walk. It would keep him occupied and get his mind off his problems. He could use a break from thinking, especially when his mind was his worst enemy. No, Death was his worst enemy and he hadn't seen her since that night in the hospital. She would show up soon because unlike Quatre he didn't doubt that they would have to fight soon. Now it all made sense, she wanted him prepared to fight again. Well, he was prepared and more than ready to kick some ass. 

When he reached the street he made a left and began walking aimlessly. Sighing, he lifted his gaze to the night sky. Instead of seeing the stars he saw Hilde's face. He closed his eyes and cursed. He didn't want to think about her. Quatre said she was doing fine, part of him was glad and part of him was hurt. Did she miss him as much as he missed her? Did she think about him all the time? Did she dream about him at night? Did she have a broken heart like he did?

Suddenly the desire to see her became overwhelming. Not letting himself analyze the consequences he started in the direction of her house. He just wanted to see her, she wouldn't even know he was there. He knew he should leave well enough alone and this was only going to cause more problems but he wasn't exactly in a reasonable mood. 

He slowed his pace as he approached the house. There where no lights on in the front but he thought he saw light towards the back. He still had his key but he didn't plan on entering. Silently he walked down the narrow alley to the yard. The only windows with light were the bedroom and bathroom. 

Quietly as he could he positioned the garbage can under the bedroom window and using it as leverage he pulled himself up and peered in the room. He was barely able to see through the flimsy curtain but he could tell the room was empty. A little voice on the back of his mind said it really wasn't polite of him to spy on her like this. 

Ignoring the voice he moved the big metal can beneath the other window and peeked in hesitantly. The curtain was parted slightly and he quickly glanced about the room. Hilde wasn't in there either. He was about to turn away when his gaze fell on the sink. For a moment the sight of bright red against white didn't register but then it hit him. That looked like blood……

Without pause he ran back to the front of the house. He pulled out his key but his shaking fingers fumbled with the lock. That couldn't have been blood, he thought frantically. Shoving open the door he rushed through the small house. When he reached the bathroom he wasn't prepared for what he found.

Shock coursed through him as he stared at Hilde's body. He could tell from where he was standing that she was dead. Her skin was white and her blue eyes were half open staring sightlessly. She was cover in blood and so was the floor around her. He saw the razor on the floor but his mind just wouldn't piece it all together. Suddenly his stomach knotted violently and his knees gave way. 

Sinking to the floor he reached forward with trembling hands. Picking her up gently, he cradled her limp form against his chest. He began rocking back and forth as he rested his chin atop her head. He ignored the ugly bleeding slashes across her wrists and the way her skin was freezing to the touch. He just had to hold her. Closing his eyes he swallowed hard as his throat burned from suppressing the urge to cry.

Even holding her body it still didn't really reach through his shock. "She's dead," the words ran around his mind over and over. He stared vacantly at their entwined fingers as he wrapped his arms more tightly around her. He didn't know how long he sat that way, just holding her with his mind chanting words he refused to accept.

Vaguely he recognized the sound of the air condition clicking on. His gaze flew to the piece of paper that fluttered to the floor from the sudden gust of air. As he read the instructions on the paper he paled. His eyes shot to the cup with the plastic tester sitting on the counter and the numbing shock that had filled him suddenly disappeared. He could clearly see the pink plus on the tester just before his vision was destroyed by the rush of tears that came to his eyes. He began to cry, shaking violently as the realization of everything he lost hit him hard. 

"Oh God, I'm so sorry Hilde, I'm so sorry." He whispered between sobs. 

She was pregnant, his mind screamed. He thought of how she must have felt and his self-hatred intensified. The pain that filled his chest made it impossible to breathe. All he could do was clutch her lifeless body tighter as the last remains of his sanity crumbled along with what was left of his heart. He couldn't take anymore. He couldn't take anymore death. This was where he drew the line. 

"This wasn't suppose to happen. I left so you wouldn't get hurt. I'm so sorry." He mumbled, his voice sounding almost child like. "I love you, I though you knew that."

"How touching. You know if you would have made it here about an hour ago you could have stopped her." Said a familiar voice coldly.

Duo stiffened. He didn't look up, just kept his teary eyes closed and wondered slightly how he didn't realize he'd felt her presence. It didn't matter and he could care less. But her words did manage to enter his mind coherently and they stung. 

"Her style is a little to messy for me but she certainly made her point didn't she?" when he still showed no reaction, she asked, "Are you trying to ignore me?" 

He still didn't answer because there was nothing to say. She'd won this round and he had played right into her little trap. But now nothing mattered because he was going to win. He had one last card he could play and he had no intention of letting her stop him. But first he did want some answers.

"Why did you choose me and not one of the other pilots?" he asked still not looking up.

"Where did that come from?" she asked her voice sounding slightly taken back.

"Answer me." He demanded.

" Oh please, Heero's a walking time bomb, Trowa even gives me a complex when it comes to emotions, Quatre would have snapped by now, and Wufie's attitude is self explanatory. You were the only logical choice." She laughed.

"I'm serious, I want to know why you have it in for me?" he asked, his voice toneless.

"Just trying to keep you focused, dear," she said stressing the false endearment to anger him.

"Why did you kill Hilde? You had no reason to go that far." He said, his voice cracking when he said her name. Unconsciously his arms tightened around his precious burden.

"I didn't kill her. She chose to die and she slit her own wrists. I'm just present to make sure all souls depart properly. You never did get it Duo, I don't shape the course of events. I don't put people on the brink of dying but once they're there then I have the choice. That's why I need you, you're the one who does what I can't do." She explained impatiently.

"You knew it would turn out this way if I left, didn't you?" he asked coldly.

"Yes, I planned her reaction perfectly. This unexpected problem only helped." She sneered as she gestured to the plastic tester. 

"That was low, even for you." He said disgustedly. Slowly his rage was beginning to equal his heartache. He had to keep his cool if he was going to be free of her once and for all.

"When you play the game of life and death you can have no mercy, remember that." She replied.

"Well said." He countered sarcastically.

"I'm only speaking the truth and you know it. Everything is based on survival of the fittest. If you want to live you have to put yourself first. The only major downfall you humans have is your compassion. All of you seem to develop feelings for something and it's so easy to control you according to your weaknesses. She was your weakness and I took advantage of it." She said casually.

"I'm your weakness aren't I?" he asked smiling evilly.

"I have no weaknesses." She said.

"Then why is it so important that you break me?" he asked.

"Your too willful that's all." She said her voice raising in tone slightly.

"No, it's more than that. My misery is an obsession to you and if you were to loose this little game you started you would then loose all purpose wouldn't you?" he questioned.

"Death will always have a purpose." She said angrily.

"Death yes, but the little bit of humanity you've gained over time will be meaningless if you give up the fight now. You've learned pride and hate. Ironically, two of humanity's worst traits." He taunted.

"Maybe your right but I don't intend to loose." She stated boldly.

He only smirked as his fingers closed over the cold steel in his pocket. Just like Heero he always carried his gun and now it would come in handy. He hoped Hilde was waiting for him because if not he'd search the depths hell to find her. He raised his gaze and looked Death right in the eye. This last moment made all their suffering worth it because this time he had found the way to gain his freedom once and for all. 

"Game over!" he whispered as a single gunshot rang through the small room.

A.N.- Okay, don't hate me! I'm really sorry it was so depressing but I just had to write it. Um….If you're wondering Duo did find Hilde in the after life and they are now blissfully happy. Gotta get back to writing so thanks a bunch!!!!!*_* 


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